was feeling pretty crushed. hmm...

i've wondered about something.  and, i'm getting more and more convinced it happens. i have this theory that my sweet foursome once in awhile get together and make a plot deciding they will take shifts and run mom as hard as they can and then lay low while another one takes over.

having four little ones, i very rarely have an easy day. daily food messes, breaking up sibling fights, injuries, etc. but, there are some days, its taken to a whole different level. they've been going strong for two days now.

now, my children really are amazing (what mom doesn't think that about their own children, really?). but, like my charlie will often pick up his room (i mean spotless) and make his bed without me ever asking him. he just surprises me with it.  and, my first darling, daily makes me gorgeous gifts even elaborate picture books. they often play well together and are fairly agreeable (usually).

BUT...in the last two days, i don't know if anyone has done anything i asked (the first or fourth time). it has felt as though i don't exist. i will say something to one of them, they acknowledge they heard me, and within seconds (!!) they forget (or refuse).  i have been yelled at, hit, things have been thrown at me, doors have been slammed, pooped on (this was not out of rebellion), unhappy about dinner, unhappy about snack, unhappy that another is unhappy, unhappy that  another is happy, mad that someone is playing with their toy, mad that someone is playing with someone else's toy, blah, blah...i'm tired just typing about it.

for example, tonight one of my sons yelled in the other's face as loud as possible to make the other one mad. the other one laughed at him which made the other one more mad so louder yelling which made the other laugh harder and on and on it went. of course, i was feeding the tiny one trying to put her to bed so i couldn't do anything about it and the amazing husband was cleaning the kitchen and making pj rounds and was oblivious to it.

on the way home from dance and tae kwon do tonight, they were doing all they could do to aggravate each other. and they both were succeeding. since i was driving, i decided to try a new tactic. i would turn off their kid music, turn on worship music and the louder they got, the louder i turned up the music. it kept me calm and got my point across. :)

all of this to say...as a mother the last two days, i have been pressed. pressed so hard i didn't think there was anything left. but this afternoon, i knew i had no more natural strength. i could not do it without intervention. "my children have to CHANGE!" but, i know its not about them. it never is. (i mean they do need to act like decent little human beings and not crazy people.) but, these scenarios are always about me.

who will i lean on? who will i trust? me? charles? or God? i usually try the first two first. then i get it. my oprah-aha-moment (which i should have learned by now): lean on God. trust Him. as i began to do that, the craziness of my children didn't seem nearly as crazy. the pressure on the outside was nothing that could compare to the power i can tap into on the inside when i trust in and lean on God.

as a high school and college student, i dealt a lot with anxiety. i started regularly singing a song that became a place of worship and rest for me then. and, now, whenever i am pressed, it just comes out. tonight as i was putting Sophia to bed, i started singing it out of habit and, as i listened to the words coming out of my mouth, a new strength and resolve came:

when peace like a river attendeth my way,

when sorrows like sea billows roll,

whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say

"it is well, it is well with my soul"

it is well, it is well

with my soul, with my soul

it is well, it is well with my soul!

it is well. so, "i am pressed but not crushed...so that his [Jesus'] life may be revealed in my mortal body." (2 Corinthians 4:8-11)

not fun. not what i want. but, Jesus, reveal yourself through me. to those who see me and especially to my children.

here's a thought: maybe i'm pressed by them so that they may possibly see Christ revealed. 

dumb & dumber, but grateful

well, it was a dumb-mommy day. sometimes i just have those days. i thought i was going to be brilliant, but, well, not so much.

i love to celebrate. anything. anyone. any occasion. so, i thought "since mylie finished her first "week" of kindergarten we can get chick-fil-a and ice cream after we pick her up! this will be so fun!"

after driving 25 min to pick her up and wait 10 min in the carpool line, my boys' patience was running out. so i parked and ran over and grabbed mylie. mylie had a great day, but was so tired and hungry. as soon as i opened the van door, the boys thought it would be funny to call her "chicken legs" (a name no one has ever said before) but i think they got it from us talking about going to "chick-fil-a."

so, she overreacts out of tiredness which makes charlie want to do it more (this is a fairly common pattern in our house). by the time we are 2 minutes down the road, he is laughing hysterically saying very random things with zeke putting in his two cents and mylie is in tears.

i wonder if i should abandon my plan, but not only would that invoke hysterical crying from all 3, they would have to ride another 20 minutes and starving and its already 12:45.

so, i pull into cfa and the drive thru line is sooooo long. but, i'm not dragging all 4 kids in and the way the drive-thru line is situated, i'm committed. when i finally get up to the window, the drive-thru lady says "oh, no! who's crying?" b/c all 3 were crying very loudly. "everyone." i said with a sigh. "i'll hurry!" she said. i appreciated her kindness and she made sure they all got a toy that they didn't have at home.

we pull out of there, maneuver through lunch-time triangle traffic across the street to Goodberry's (super yummy custard). by this time, its 1:00pm and almost nap time. i know this could turn into a bigger disaster but remind myself that we are all together, healthy, and nothing is really wrong.

i unload all 4 at goodberry's with all our food, drinks, stroller, etc. get across the parking lot (which is quite a task with a baby, toddler, and the massive amounts of food i had.) we find a table with an umbrella.

3 of the seats were in the shade so i position the 3 oldest there and sit down on the sunny stool. but, not thinking that since they were black, it was going to be hot. so i burned my bum. and no matter what i sat on, it still burned through. the WHOLE time. (but, i wasn't about to move all the kids and food somewhere else). so i just sat with a burning hot bum.

we get through most our lunch me trying to help everyone eat as they drip polynesian everywhere and wipe it on my skirt. and spill chocolate milk. while i try to feed sophia and myself. but as the food goes in, they start to get happy. they are loving life.

and, i'm reminded of the book i'm reading a thousand gifts--enjoying life is really about being grateful. living in every moment instead of trying to rush everyone along to the next thing because of our agenda. they are happy. that's all that matters.

i still feel a little strained as we leave lunch because zeke is overheated with a beet red face, charlie's stomach hurts (b/c goodberry's smallest serving is still huge), and mylie has chocolate all over her white uniform.

but, as i load everyone and everything into the car, i remind myself again: i have 4 beautiful children who love me with all their heart. they are precious and happy and full of life. they teach me so much about how to love life.

so we use half a pack of wipes to clean our faces, hands, legs, and hair and get in the car.

everyone is happy and singing on the way home. now everyone is tucked in for their nap.

so maybe my idea was not the best on such a hot day being alone without another adult. lesson learned.

but i know without a doubt: my life is messy. and very good. and i'm grateful for both. and, i'm learning how to celebrate both. here's to the messy and the gratitude we can still have in the middle of it!

to the girl who made me a mommy

To my Mylie Grace.

Born July 28, 2006 at 11:57pm. You are the beautiful fair-skinned, strawberry-blonde 6 lb.  13 oz baby girl who entered the world 10 days early to a highly anticipatory mommy (who was determined to have you before midnight on an even day...i know...i'm a weird one).

We named you Mylie Grace because of its meaning "Forgiving Grace." Forgiving Undeserved Favor.  We didn't know when we decided on your name how much we would need you.

Your daddy reminds me of the time he was going through a really rough time. You were laying on the couch and he was down on his knees beside the couch. After praying and crying, he got up and as soon as you saw him you burst into the most contagious giggles ever. God knew we needed you. You continue to light up our days.

As a baby, everyone always called you "Smiley Face" instead of "Mylie Grace." You were so happy. So full of joy. So full of life. You still are. Life to the full!

And, an awesome sleeper. At 8 weeks, you started sleeping 12 hours through the night and never turned back. Our friends called you our college sleeper. You would sleep 14 hours a night and then take a 3 hour nap. You spoiled us as parents. :)

You are the beautiful girl that made me a mommy. You changed my name from "Tiffany" to "Mama." That is a name that I adore more than any other.

You are sensitive, kind, funny, dramatic, beautiful, thoughtful, creative, and the most beautiful ballerina I ever laid eyes on.

You are Mylie and you are God's gift to me.

Happy 6th birthday, my baby.

To Conclude, six beautiful things that I love about you:
1. I love how, ever since you were a tiny baby, you flap your arms and legs whenever you are excited about something. I love that you still do it.

2. I love that your are cautious until you are sure, and then you are unstoppable.

3. I love that you love your brothers & sister, but that you love Charlie as your best friend and lean on him like a brother.

4. I love that you love desserts and hot dogs just as much as I do.

5. I love that, for you, a shower is not complete until you have sung "singing in the rain."

6. I love that you trust your daddy more than any other human.

You are an amazing girl. I just love you.

the Jesus-loves-ME bed

this has been quite a season. for the last days, well months actually, i have had quite a weariness in my soul. you know, where you just are empty.

don't get me wrong. i LOVE my life. i am totally & completely infatuated with my children. i couldn't have asked for a more loving, serving, kind, thoughtful, and incredibly good-looking husband. love my house, love our jobs, love our extended family, have amazing friends.

but, lately, i just am empty. i have been uptight for way too long and it has worn me out. i came into this season of life trying really hard to be perfect. before being married (since middle school), i always had to be wearing the perfect outfit. i tried to keep a perfect house. i loved trying to make perfect meals.  i maintained a near perfect body. i just wanted to be perfect. i wasn't really leaning on the Lord very much. i loved Him, just didn't lean on Him.

i brought all of that into marriage. i was able to keep things pretty perfect for awhile, but with each new child, the challenges got deeper and my perfect world was cracked. nothing was wrong with it, it just is far from perfect.

these days, come to my house and most days you will find crumbs on and under our table. sometimes laundry sits in the dryer for days. i often have dirty dishes in the sink. and, many nights we eat something only semi-homemade (thanks sandra lee for making this acceptable) when i wish everything was completely homemade.

so, yes, lately...i've been running on empty.

shift gears slightly.

a couple of months ago i was sitting feeding sophia and i started thinking about our bedroom. we have ck's grandparents furniture and the queen-sized bed i was given in college. i'm very grateful for all we have. but, as i was thinking about our room, i just wished for a new bed that felt nice to escape to.

it was just a quiet wish...not even a prayer. i didn't tell anyone. i kind of felt like i wasn't supposed to tell even charles about my secret wish.

later THAT day, i was at a meeting and i overheard my husband talking to our friend.  he said something like "yeah. thanks anyway. we have a queen-sized bed." i asked him what he was talking about.  "oh, they are getting a new bed and they have a king sized bed they were offering us..."

"WHAT??!! i was just thinking about wanting a new one earlier this morning! kinda talking to God, but not really praying, that i would like one!"

and, so...we got a gorgeous king-sized bed, with Ann Gish bedding and an amazing brand new stearns & foster pillow top mattress all given to us.  i was so amazed at how God lavished his love on me.

but, to take it even deeper.

yesterday, i was making our bed, thanking God for it. (we got it a couple of months ago, but i'm still so grateful.) and it hit me. how profound. at the time that i needed to feel God's love for me the most, he gave me this bed with this gorgeous bedding.

and, every night i am able to sink into, rest, and be wrapped up in God's love for me in a very practical way.

don't tell me God isn't tangible. he's lavish and very near. and it brings a joy to my soul. my heart smiles in a way that it hasn't in awhile.

i'm loved and i can rest in that.

i just am tired.

i love the shock factor. well, sort of, like it.

people stop me in target or in the mall or in the parking lot: "are they all YOURS??"
or, "oh my. you really have your hands full."
or, "how old ARE they?"
or, "that is my nightmare!"

my patience runs a little thin for these kind of comments. um, people. my kids are standing right in front of you. and, they have ears. they are not a nightmare. they are precious. and, i love them. and, I (well, we...my husband and i) chose to have them all. they are all wanted and loved.

but, i've also often gotten compliments like:
"you have a gorgeous family."
"you are SO lucky!"
"your children are amazing."
"they are so well-spoken."

we have our days. at the end of some days, i feel completely exhausted, worn out, with nothing left to give. i try to do laundry all day to only have one load finished and half-folded (because i've folded the same pile 3 times after my two yr old keeps plowing through it or 'helps' fold himself) with 4 more loads to go.

many nights there are still enough crumbs under the table to make a whole plate of food.  and, i finally get a shower after i put everyone to bed even though i worked out at 9:00 in the morning.

but, this is the life i chose for myself. and it is a very happy life.

charlie stops many days and says "mommy, you are beautiful!" or zeke climbs into my lap and says "i wuv oo, mommmmy!" and, mylie daily makes amazing drawings or notes for me with "i love you mommy" across the top.

as charles and i laid in bed last night, we were talking and he was saying how kids crave someone to look up to. and it should be their parents. they need us to love them unconditionally. they need us to offer love, not control or rigidity.  they need us to be willing to let life be messy in order for them to feel loved.

what is a win for me as a parent? that at the end of the day, or a season, or their childhood, that we have an amazing relationship. that they trust me with their whole heart. that each one of them can and do talk to me about any and everything going on in their life.

not that they are perfect.

so, in the meantime, i'm tired. but, it will all be worth it in the end.

our family theme song is "you've got a friend in me" from toy story. whenever anyone feels sad, we sing it. as for me, and my house, will all be friends. forever.

saved from 911

today was that kind of day.

the kind of day where i should have had to call 911. twice.

and not just for semi-big things. for things that could have--and should have--taken out my two sons.

the morning started off as usual. loud. boisterous. lots of activity. playing, fighting, & playing again.

as i juggled what felt like trying to do 47 things (put sophia down for a nap, keep the boys from fighting, cooking dinner ahead of time, sending a few semi-urgent emails, & cleaning up from breakfast), the children did their normal.

then we started to get ready to go to the pool. charlie was standing in the hall playing with a ball and all of a sudden i heard the loudest noise. i ran over and miracle #1 occurred. charlie was standing their uninjured while on the floor was a very large frame that had shattered.

here's the miracle: the frame shattered. and somehow the glass was completely in tact and charlie stood there unharmed. where he was, how it fell, it could of (and should of) sliced open his head and broke into hundreds of pieces on top of him.

i'm so thankful.

we continued to get ready to go to the pool. first time of the season. everyone is so excited. i'm slightly frazzled (thank the Lord grandma came over to help and go with us) trying to get everyone's suits, sunscreen, towels, changes of clothes, extra diapers, pack our lunch...

we FINALLY get there. get everyone undressed. get out all the pool toys and get in. the baby pool, that is.

and, we start having a blast! everyone is having a great time. i am sitting on the edge, dipping sophia in on the edge and i look up to see zeke face down in the pool about 2 feet from me. i freak and yell and dive for him while holding sophia up. and grab him up. somehow he couldn't get his little feet under him to stand up.

it took him a few seconds (or maybe a second, but it felt like forever) to breathe, but when he did. when he did. i cannot express the relief. he coughed, then almost threw up, then cried. and i cried. and grandma cried. and, i didn't let him go the rest of the time.

and, again, i'm so so grateful.

its only for the grace of God. He, in His goodness & graciousness, kept us today.

i felt like a horrible, no good mom. i cried many tears today. but, i sit in the quietness and stillness of my bedroom, grateful. so glad i serve a God who is bigger than me. and a God that covers my failures.

mommy's grace.

your amazing child

we couldn't take another rainy day inside.  after yesterday--rearranging furniture, watching way more movies than we ever have, and building & coloring, we HAD to do something different today.

thankfully, i had a livingsocial voucher to Kidzu Kid's Museum in my arsenal of "fun-things-for-us-to-do-this-summer".  i called up the grandparents who are here visiting for a couple of weeks to alert them of our change in plans and we loaded up (because that is what you do with 4 children) and headed out.

thankfully, having been a mom for almost 6 years now, i knew that a fun place like this would be PACKED on a day like this...so i was not shocked when we got there. and i embraced the chaos.

my kids have never been to kidzu before. they were captivated as soon as the walked through the door...immediate fun hits you as you walk in.

since we had the grandparents with us, we were able to divide and conquer.  as i stood in the middle of Kidzu constantly scanning, trying to make sure all my kids were safe and having fun, it hit me. i was amazed.

this was my "aha moment": they ("they" being my little ones) are all so different.

okay, so that really is a no-brainer. you watch your child every day. they are amazing. every child plays differently, communicates in their own unique way, has different likes & dislikes.

but, as i watched, it hit me all over again. my oldest is so creative and artsy. everything she does & says is so creative & funny.  she sat at their two different art stations decorating ties for her daddy & making a fairy room, complete with carpet, wallpaper, and flowers & feathers.

my second oldest spent the entire time at their Gravitron Construction Zone, building & constructing a tube path on their huge magnetic wall for a ball to come down.

my third played happily going from center to center and spent about 15-20 minutes in each place working through the activities, enjoying himself fully & moving on.

my youngest just jumped in one of our arms just glad to be there watching it all. (i mean, what else would an 8 month old do, really?) :)

your child is amazing. they are a little person with their own thoughts, feelings, joy, & sadness, their own understandings. i've got 4 of them. they are all amazing. they are all different. they are all wonderful.

they ("they" being your little ones) add so much to the world. and, they are yours.

you are the perfect parent for your child. you may not be perfect...i know i'm not, but you are perfect for them. perfect to love them. perfect to know them. perfect to help them grow.

happy hearts

For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not have spoken later about another day. There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double- edged sword...” (Hebrews 4:8-12)

There are a few words that over the past years I have tried to eliminate from my vocabulary. The two that try to most often slip out are “busy” & “overwhelmed.” To be honest, most days I have quite a few moments of feeling overwhelmed. Whether it’s 3 dirty diapers in a 10 minute span (or at the same time!), being on an important call & a fight breaks out, or the husband & two oldest trying to leave and we can’t find shoes, keys, coats, etc.


But, everyone understands busy, right? Who isn’t busy?

Having four sweet ones five years old & under, we don’t ever stop. I (and we! thank the Lord for my amazing husband...) are constantly mediating, entertaining, jumping through sprinklers, being a fellow artist or colorer, puzzle-doing, berry picking, dancing, cooking, cleaning, wiping...you know...you're there too. (And, we do actually have jobs too. smile. wink. happy face.)


Even at night. Lately, the 3 youngest tag team (wink) so we find ourselves up 6 times a night. Although we would love to sleep, we wouldn’t change our children for anything! 

All of this to say, our life is full. And, sometimes we get caught up in it all. We just run from thing to thing, event to event, moment to moment, & forget to slow down. Forget to breathe.


In the above verse, it is clear that God has a special rest for us, a “Sabbath-rest”. A rest from our work “just as God did from his.” And, the very next verse starts talking about the power of the Word of God. It has become clear to me how to enter that rest. Do you see the connection?


Take time today to seek Him. For your sake & for your family.  Our children need to know  how to rest. We all know what it’s like to be “busy” & “overwhelmed.” But, let’s not just rid these from our vocabulary. Let’s rid it from our hearts & carry God’s rest with us everywhere, all the time. 

so full

i'm sitting here in the middle of several loads of laundry and i had to pause to take it all in.

as i just finished a mixed load and piled it on the floor, i sat down beside it & started folding. i pull out my husband's jeans from nordstrom, then my charlie's lightning mcqueen underwear from target, then my zekey's snowman fleece footie pjs from children's place, i was overtaken with such happiness. they are so amazing & different. different styles, different likes, different things that make them who they are.

earlier today, i looked at charlie, and i said, "i love you, my boy." he looked back at me and said with such sincerity, "i love you, my mommy."

later, i was sitting feeding sophia and she looked up and smiled at me. then i got a text from my charles saying, "love your beautiful face...daydreaming about it."

every mom needs days like this. it is God reaching into my world of usual-utter-beautiful-chaos and saying "i see you. you are important to me & to your family. i love you."

most days are like yesterday. i have a list several pages long of things i need to get done. the husband is at work. the children are rebelling against nap. after getting them calm, i sit to feed the overly tired, hungry baby girl fully expecting her to take a long delicious nap, but instead she falls asleep in my arms and cries every time i lay her down. after 2.5 hours & 8 tries, i'm utterly frustrated & then i hear my boys wake up. i didn't get a single thing done & then i remember the meat that i need to cook for dinner is still in the deep freezer. ug. by that time, baby girl is so exhausted, every time i set her down she screams like someone is hurting her, very badly. when i was at the last straw, my knight walked in the door and swept little girl into his arms and took her to the grocery store to complete one thing on my list for me.

that is what most days are like, for me. there is grace in them, but they are stretching & challenging. and, i have been so stretched lately that i barely have time to shower, let alone blog (that's where i have been).

then, there are days like this where every look from my children makes my eyes tear up with joy. they really are such gifts. i was entrusted with these four gorgeous faces, strong wills to shape, & little bodies to love until they explode with love on others.

our verse to memorize with the kids for this week is: revelation 4:11 "you are worthy, our Lord & God, to receive glory & honor & power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created & have their being." He is worthy. in my hardest moments when i think my soul is collapsing & in my highest moments. He created me, He knows me, He has me. and, He created these beautiful souls that look at me and call me 'mommy.' they make me who i am. i am what i am today because of them. they make me better. they make me stronger. they make me more loving. and, for that, i love them & Him all the more.

these moments of complete joy & satisfaction don't happen very much, especially in the midst of folding laundry. but, today, as in rains outside & i have coffee, and as i fold laundry, i couldn't be happier.

complete love

for those of you who are memorizing with us: week 4:

1 john 4:12 "No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us & His love is made complete in us."

i currently am looking down at the sweet angelic face of my dear tiny girl. she has some of the fairest skin i've ever seen, blonde hair, & blue eyes. she has sweet chubby cheeks, & her smile & dimple can melt any heart.

but that is not how i felt earlier. she has her first official cold & can't breathe very well. she has been awake for the vast majority of the last several nights & didn't nap all morning. by 2pm (after she had been constantly screaming most of the day), i was feeling a tinge of exasperation.

especially after a pb rash outbreak, poopy diaper, & a pee accident (that seemed as though someone poured a 2L soda bottle all over the carpet) that all happened simultaneously as we were minutes (even seconds) from nap time. meanwhile, tiny one was screaming like someone was plucking her toes off...a desperate, piercing scream without taking a breath.

after no sleep, i felt like i was at the end of my rope. i practiced my "thank you's" (from last week) & the rope was extended a bit further, but not by much.

by 3pm i got my sophie-girl to finally go to sleep & i had exactly 20 minutes before my zekey woke up.

but you know, my love is what shows my children what God is like. i so wish i loved them perfectly. i want them to know God.

but, because i want the to know God, i love them. and, i love my husband. as i love, God does his deep work & his love becomes more complete.

complete love is not something that you can put into words, but it is something we can feel. we know if our husband loves us completely. we know if our friends love us completely. we know if our own moms & dads love us completely.

our children know if we love them completely. and that love will be their picture of God's love.

as we put off our momentary wants and needs to choose love, we make God bigger to our littles. and a bigger God makes life much better than we can imagine. for them AND for us.

what about me?

week 3: psalm 107:1 "give thanks to the Lord for he is good. his love endures forever."

as i wrote last week, intentional mommy-ing, we have the ability to help form our babies...their thoughts, their actions, their patterns.

but, as adults, we also have the ability to change the way we think.

sometimes, i look at my life, and think "what have i done?" not like in the deep sense "what have i done with my life that makes a difference?" but more of a "oh my goodness. what was i thinking having 4 little humans in 5 years?"

don't get me wrong. i love my life. and, i definitely love my children more than life. more than my life. i have to. if i don't, my soul would die.

when i was single (& even newly married), i could do anything i wanted. i mean ANYTHING. it is crazy to me now...don't feel like cooking "let's go to dinner!" or sitting on the couch & decide "let's go see a movie!" and jump up and do it. or call a friend & just go over to their house. no sitters, no forethought, no packing snacks or extra diapers. any hour of the day.

now, i can't even imagine it. did i really use to live like that?

but, as i've been mommy-ing for 5 years (not long at all...but having a 5 year old is different than a baby, for sure), i know that being thankful is a key to getting you through.

up all night with a baby who can't breathe? "thank you, Lord, that i can hold my child in my arms. and, thank you, for a baby is normally healthy."

have a child who throws a fit in the mall & embarrasses the heck out of you? "thank you, Lord, for a child who can think & make decisions about what he wants (even though its making me crazy right now)."

bedtime routine is taking forever one particular night? "thank You, that we have beds to put our children in & toothbrushes & books." (soooo many don't, even around the corner, so this in particular always changes me.)

thankfulness changes my attitude. "give thanks to the Lord for he is good. his love endures forever."

and, as i am thankful, it changes my heart. as my heart changes, i can endure just a little longer with whatever scenario is demanding all of my strength. and, as that happens, my love grows. and, i can see into the heart of God just a wee bit more.

after all, he is constantly doing that for me. "his love endures forever."

momfia unite!

i just read an article the other day...maybe in "parenting" (i have subscribed to waaaay to many magazines since they are so cheap these days and they send some to me free! so i can't exactly remember where it is)...about the momfia. a dad wrote it & it was his perspective on the band of all mother-kind who use their voice and their words spread like wildfire across the mommy-web-world. he told a story about a woman who bought a certain brand of washing machine that stopped working a week after buying it. she called the company & asked for some help, but they said they couldn't help her (i'm not sure the exact situation why they couldn't offer any assistance). so, she typed in all caps a twitter message: NEVER BUY BRANDX WASHING MACHINES. within a day, they had replaced her washing machine & within a week gave a washing machine to the charity of her choice. hm, that's something.

he called it the "momfia" since they use their joined power to push companies & government to pass better laws, make better products, have better customer service, etc. mom's have a voice that cannot be stopped. make a mommy mad and you may just regret it for the rest of your life (at least for the rest of the day).

so, as a mom, i have to be one of the voices that is speaking up on behalf of the silenced ones.

today is national human trafficking awareness day (thank you, president obama!). several years ago, when our very good friends started the organization Stop Child Trafficking Now, i started getting involved too. i went up NYC to participate in their annual fundraising walk for my 3oth birthday while i was pregnant with our third. i just couldn't sit on my tail & not do something.

unfamiliar with child trafficking? it is horrific. here's a little info off SCT Now's website:

Child Trafficking is the recruitment, smuggling, transporting, harboring, buying or selling of a child through force, threats, fraud, deception, or coercion for the purposes of exploitation, prostitution, pornography, migrant work, sweat shops, domestic servitude, forced labor, bondage, peonage or involuntary servitude.

Child trafficking is one of the fastest growing crimes in the world. UNICEF values the global market of child trafficking at over $12 billion a year with over 2 million child victims. Men, women and children are all victims but, the most vulnerable groups, those with limited rights or protections, have been the hardest hit… especially children.

having 4 children of my own, i cannot IMAGINE the horrors of this. young children used over & over again for the sick pleasures of others.

if we all took a stand against this, it would be stopped. as mom's, we have a voice. we may not have a lot of time. we may not have a lot of money. we may not have a lot of energy (whew!). but, we do have a voice that if we unite together, we will be heard.

use your voice. make a difference. make your sphere aware. after all, today is national human trafficking awareness day. momfia, let's stop this madness.

intentional mommy-ing

most days i wake up to the (sweet) crying of our newest born. she's hungry & tired of being swaddled.

i get up to feed her and shake the tiredness out of my own eyes while the house begins her slow rumble. one of the boys begins his day with a bang which wakes the other one, and life escalates from perfect quietness to extreme GO! in a matter of seconds. literally. no exaggeration.

my girl meanders out of her room to join her brothers & soon there is a parade of tiny feet, pjs, stuffed friends marching through the entire house.

now, we're in full throttle: showering, dressing, pottying, diapering, lotioning, shoes, breakfast, brush teeth, lunches in backpacks, coats, mittens, hats, one last potty, & out the door...or, at least the dad & the 5 & 4 year old...on their way to preschool.

then, mom & youngest 2 tackle all the rest of life: preparing for dinner, laundry, cleaning, errands, work stuff, more stuff & things.

WAIT. breathe.

ck & i realized as we reflected on new year's eve that we want to stop being distracted & sliding through life on "busy-ness" to be more intentional. we need to be more intentional.

the word "purpose" is used quite a bit these days. merriam-webster defines "purpose" as "something set up as an object or end to be attained." as a mom (and, as parents), what is the end that we what to attain?

we have put in place through the years a lot of great family rituals & connecting time: bible story times, "tell me about your day" time, etc. but we wanted more.

so, we put a few things in place for this new year. daily family breakfast devotional and a verse of the week.

each week, we all will learn a new verse together. at the end of the year...52 verses!

the kids easily memorized week 1...and loved it!

exodus 34:6 "i am the Lord. gracious & compassionate. slow to anger; abounding in love."

they've been telling everyone.

they were pumped for sunday to roll around to start our next one.

week 2:

1 peter 4:8 "above all, love each other deeply from the heart. for love covers a multitude of sin."

being intentional pays off. now & later. want to be intentional? want to join us each week? it'll be fun...and worth it.

(i'll post our verse each week in case you want to join us!)

excellent mommy-ness

so, this morning...charles had a meeting before church.

so one daddy-down, we made it to church happily (which is quite an accomplishment) with a little help from aunt jj who just showed up spontaneously to see if we needed any help. (yay!)

the older two decided they wanted to come in the sanctuary to be able to "worship God with music". i love that so, of course, i agreed. after herding the kiefer troop through a maze of people in the sanctuary to try to find enough seats for our family 0f 6...on the end so we can get in & out with the kids, and maneuvering in & out of several rows & shuffling people around, we got settled in.

as we got to enjoy the last song together, mylie then decided she really wanted to go to class (and asked repeatedly) while zeke paced back & forth.

i took zeke to his class while charles held down "the fort" or should i say "the row" (which we were occupying half of). then he took the older two once i got back. as the offering song began, it startled sophia out of her slumber & she decided it was long past due to eat.

as i pulled her out of her seat, i realized i never put socks on her. which maybe shouldn't be that big of deal. except that it is winter. oops.

and, that was just a 30 minute glimpse into my morning.

i want to be an excellent mommy. when we first had mylie & then charlie, i could muscle my way through my day. i could use the administrative/organizational skills i had to plan every second of every day and every option of every scenario to succeed.

adding a third stretched my abilities, but i managed. having our fourth, totally derailed "my-I-can-muscle-my-way-through-with-my-own-ability" train.

i love it. i needed derailment. until i got married, i lived an exhilarating life. i lived, by what many would call, faith. i trusted in God each day & saw His miracles through it all.

after i got married, i still loved God whole-heartedly, but for some reason, started thinking that I had to MANAGE my life. so i started working under an "efficiency" mindset. i had to be efficient at everything.

and, man, i can get a lot accomplished, but over efficiency often means under abundance. i did not abound in the joy & extreme love that i had had a few years before.

give me a few hours & i can run errands, grocery shop, do 3 loads of laundry, send emails, pack lunches for the next day...but i become like a human machine. and, i miss the joy of it all.

of course, there is not joy in everything. like as you change the third dirty diaper in a 10 minute span. or, as you clean your second spilled drink and you haven't even sat down to eat yet. or, as you are driving & all 4 children are having their own meltdowns about 4 different things & you can't help any of them because you have to keep the vehicle going to get them home...

but, since having my fourth, i have a new wind. i feel God at my side & it brings me a new breath. so, sophia doesn't have socks on her feet. or, my potty-training child poops in his pants at the library. you know what...it's ok.

being an excellent mommy does not mean i'm the most efficient or the most organized. it doesn't mean that my children look (or act!) perfect all the time. (although all of those things do help! heehee.)

being an excellent mommy means that i know how to trust God & bring joy & love to each of my children's daily lives. because in many ways, my attitude shapes their world. they function & learn better...they THRIVE...when mommy thrives.

how does mommy thrive? she thrives by having a happy soul. and you know what? God really makes my soul happy.