complete love

for those of you who are memorizing with us: week 4:

1 john 4:12 "No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us & His love is made complete in us."

i currently am looking down at the sweet angelic face of my dear tiny girl. she has some of the fairest skin i've ever seen, blonde hair, & blue eyes. she has sweet chubby cheeks, & her smile & dimple can melt any heart.

but that is not how i felt earlier. she has her first official cold & can't breathe very well. she has been awake for the vast majority of the last several nights & didn't nap all morning. by 2pm (after she had been constantly screaming most of the day), i was feeling a tinge of exasperation.

especially after a pb rash outbreak, poopy diaper, & a pee accident (that seemed as though someone poured a 2L soda bottle all over the carpet) that all happened simultaneously as we were minutes (even seconds) from nap time. meanwhile, tiny one was screaming like someone was plucking her toes off...a desperate, piercing scream without taking a breath.

after no sleep, i felt like i was at the end of my rope. i practiced my "thank you's" (from last week) & the rope was extended a bit further, but not by much.

by 3pm i got my sophie-girl to finally go to sleep & i had exactly 20 minutes before my zekey woke up.

but you know, my love is what shows my children what God is like. i so wish i loved them perfectly. i want them to know God.

but, because i want the to know God, i love them. and, i love my husband. as i love, God does his deep work & his love becomes more complete.

complete love is not something that you can put into words, but it is something we can feel. we know if our husband loves us completely. we know if our friends love us completely. we know if our own moms & dads love us completely.

our children know if we love them completely. and that love will be their picture of God's love.

as we put off our momentary wants and needs to choose love, we make God bigger to our littles. and a bigger God makes life much better than we can imagine. for them AND for us.

what about me?

week 3: psalm 107:1 "give thanks to the Lord for he is good. his love endures forever."

as i wrote last week, intentional mommy-ing, we have the ability to help form our babies...their thoughts, their actions, their patterns.

but, as adults, we also have the ability to change the way we think.

sometimes, i look at my life, and think "what have i done?" not like in the deep sense "what have i done with my life that makes a difference?" but more of a "oh my goodness. what was i thinking having 4 little humans in 5 years?"

don't get me wrong. i love my life. and, i definitely love my children more than life. more than my life. i have to. if i don't, my soul would die.

when i was single (& even newly married), i could do anything i wanted. i mean ANYTHING. it is crazy to me now...don't feel like cooking "let's go to dinner!" or sitting on the couch & decide "let's go see a movie!" and jump up and do it. or call a friend & just go over to their house. no sitters, no forethought, no packing snacks or extra diapers. any hour of the day.

now, i can't even imagine it. did i really use to live like that?

but, as i've been mommy-ing for 5 years (not long at all...but having a 5 year old is different than a baby, for sure), i know that being thankful is a key to getting you through.

up all night with a baby who can't breathe? "thank you, Lord, that i can hold my child in my arms. and, thank you, for a baby is normally healthy."

have a child who throws a fit in the mall & embarrasses the heck out of you? "thank you, Lord, for a child who can think & make decisions about what he wants (even though its making me crazy right now)."

bedtime routine is taking forever one particular night? "thank You, that we have beds to put our children in & toothbrushes & books." (soooo many don't, even around the corner, so this in particular always changes me.)

thankfulness changes my attitude. "give thanks to the Lord for he is good. his love endures forever."

and, as i am thankful, it changes my heart. as my heart changes, i can endure just a little longer with whatever scenario is demanding all of my strength. and, as that happens, my love grows. and, i can see into the heart of God just a wee bit more.

after all, he is constantly doing that for me. "his love endures forever."

momfia unite!

i just read an article the other day...maybe in "parenting" (i have subscribed to waaaay to many magazines since they are so cheap these days and they send some to me free! so i can't exactly remember where it is)...about the momfia. a dad wrote it & it was his perspective on the band of all mother-kind who use their voice and their words spread like wildfire across the mommy-web-world. he told a story about a woman who bought a certain brand of washing machine that stopped working a week after buying it. she called the company & asked for some help, but they said they couldn't help her (i'm not sure the exact situation why they couldn't offer any assistance). so, she typed in all caps a twitter message: NEVER BUY BRANDX WASHING MACHINES. within a day, they had replaced her washing machine & within a week gave a washing machine to the charity of her choice. hm, that's something.

he called it the "momfia" since they use their joined power to push companies & government to pass better laws, make better products, have better customer service, etc. mom's have a voice that cannot be stopped. make a mommy mad and you may just regret it for the rest of your life (at least for the rest of the day).

so, as a mom, i have to be one of the voices that is speaking up on behalf of the silenced ones.

today is national human trafficking awareness day (thank you, president obama!). several years ago, when our very good friends started the organization Stop Child Trafficking Now, i started getting involved too. i went up NYC to participate in their annual fundraising walk for my 3oth birthday while i was pregnant with our third. i just couldn't sit on my tail & not do something.

unfamiliar with child trafficking? it is horrific. here's a little info off SCT Now's website:

Child Trafficking is the recruitment, smuggling, transporting, harboring, buying or selling of a child through force, threats, fraud, deception, or coercion for the purposes of exploitation, prostitution, pornography, migrant work, sweat shops, domestic servitude, forced labor, bondage, peonage or involuntary servitude.

Child trafficking is one of the fastest growing crimes in the world. UNICEF values the global market of child trafficking at over $12 billion a year with over 2 million child victims. Men, women and children are all victims but, the most vulnerable groups, those with limited rights or protections, have been the hardest hit… especially children.

having 4 children of my own, i cannot IMAGINE the horrors of this. young children used over & over again for the sick pleasures of others.

if we all took a stand against this, it would be stopped. as mom's, we have a voice. we may not have a lot of time. we may not have a lot of money. we may not have a lot of energy (whew!). but, we do have a voice that if we unite together, we will be heard.

use your voice. make a difference. make your sphere aware. after all, today is national human trafficking awareness day. momfia, let's stop this madness.

intentional mommy-ing

most days i wake up to the (sweet) crying of our newest born. she's hungry & tired of being swaddled.

i get up to feed her and shake the tiredness out of my own eyes while the house begins her slow rumble. one of the boys begins his day with a bang which wakes the other one, and life escalates from perfect quietness to extreme GO! in a matter of seconds. literally. no exaggeration.

my girl meanders out of her room to join her brothers & soon there is a parade of tiny feet, pjs, stuffed friends marching through the entire house.

now, we're in full throttle: showering, dressing, pottying, diapering, lotioning, shoes, breakfast, brush teeth, lunches in backpacks, coats, mittens, hats, one last potty, & out the door...or, at least the dad & the 5 & 4 year old...on their way to preschool.

then, mom & youngest 2 tackle all the rest of life: preparing for dinner, laundry, cleaning, errands, work stuff, more stuff & things.

WAIT. breathe.

ck & i realized as we reflected on new year's eve that we want to stop being distracted & sliding through life on "busy-ness" to be more intentional. we need to be more intentional.

the word "purpose" is used quite a bit these days. merriam-webster defines "purpose" as "something set up as an object or end to be attained." as a mom (and, as parents), what is the end that we what to attain?

we have put in place through the years a lot of great family rituals & connecting time: bible story times, "tell me about your day" time, etc. but we wanted more.

so, we put a few things in place for this new year. daily family breakfast devotional and a verse of the week.

each week, we all will learn a new verse together. at the end of the year...52 verses!

the kids easily memorized week 1...and loved it!

exodus 34:6 "i am the Lord. gracious & compassionate. slow to anger; abounding in love."

they've been telling everyone.

they were pumped for sunday to roll around to start our next one.

week 2:

1 peter 4:8 "above all, love each other deeply from the heart. for love covers a multitude of sin."

being intentional pays off. now & later. want to be intentional? want to join us each week? it'll be fun...and worth it.

(i'll post our verse each week in case you want to join us!)

excellent mommy-ness

so, this morning...charles had a meeting before church.

so one daddy-down, we made it to church happily (which is quite an accomplishment) with a little help from aunt jj who just showed up spontaneously to see if we needed any help. (yay!)

the older two decided they wanted to come in the sanctuary to be able to "worship God with music". i love that so, of course, i agreed. after herding the kiefer troop through a maze of people in the sanctuary to try to find enough seats for our family 0f 6...on the end so we can get in & out with the kids, and maneuvering in & out of several rows & shuffling people around, we got settled in.

as we got to enjoy the last song together, mylie then decided she really wanted to go to class (and asked repeatedly) while zeke paced back & forth.

i took zeke to his class while charles held down "the fort" or should i say "the row" (which we were occupying half of). then he took the older two once i got back. as the offering song began, it startled sophia out of her slumber & she decided it was long past due to eat.

as i pulled her out of her seat, i realized i never put socks on her. which maybe shouldn't be that big of deal. except that it is winter. oops.

and, that was just a 30 minute glimpse into my morning.

i want to be an excellent mommy. when we first had mylie & then charlie, i could muscle my way through my day. i could use the administrative/organizational skills i had to plan every second of every day and every option of every scenario to succeed.

adding a third stretched my abilities, but i managed. having our fourth, totally derailed "my-I-can-muscle-my-way-through-with-my-own-ability" train.

i love it. i needed derailment. until i got married, i lived an exhilarating life. i lived, by what many would call, faith. i trusted in God each day & saw His miracles through it all.

after i got married, i still loved God whole-heartedly, but for some reason, started thinking that I had to MANAGE my life. so i started working under an "efficiency" mindset. i had to be efficient at everything.

and, man, i can get a lot accomplished, but over efficiency often means under abundance. i did not abound in the joy & extreme love that i had had a few years before.

give me a few hours & i can run errands, grocery shop, do 3 loads of laundry, send emails, pack lunches for the next day...but i become like a human machine. and, i miss the joy of it all.

of course, there is not joy in everything. like as you change the third dirty diaper in a 10 minute span. or, as you clean your second spilled drink and you haven't even sat down to eat yet. or, as you are driving & all 4 children are having their own meltdowns about 4 different things & you can't help any of them because you have to keep the vehicle going to get them home...

but, since having my fourth, i have a new wind. i feel God at my side & it brings me a new breath. so, sophia doesn't have socks on her feet. or, my potty-training child poops in his pants at the library. you know what...it's ok.

being an excellent mommy does not mean i'm the most efficient or the most organized. it doesn't mean that my children look (or act!) perfect all the time. (although all of those things do help! heehee.)

being an excellent mommy means that i know how to trust God & bring joy & love to each of my children's daily lives. because in many ways, my attitude shapes their world. they function & learn better...they THRIVE...when mommy thrives.

how does mommy thrive? she thrives by having a happy soul. and you know what? God really makes my soul happy.