i just am tired.

i love the shock factor. well, sort of, like it.

people stop me in target or in the mall or in the parking lot: "are they all YOURS??"
or, "oh my. you really have your hands full."
or, "how old ARE they?"
or, "that is my nightmare!"

my patience runs a little thin for these kind of comments. um, people. my kids are standing right in front of you. and, they have ears. they are not a nightmare. they are precious. and, i love them. and, I (well, we...my husband and i) chose to have them all. they are all wanted and loved.

but, i've also often gotten compliments like:
"you have a gorgeous family."
"you are SO lucky!"
"your children are amazing."
"they are so well-spoken."

we have our days. at the end of some days, i feel completely exhausted, worn out, with nothing left to give. i try to do laundry all day to only have one load finished and half-folded (because i've folded the same pile 3 times after my two yr old keeps plowing through it or 'helps' fold himself) with 4 more loads to go.

many nights there are still enough crumbs under the table to make a whole plate of food.  and, i finally get a shower after i put everyone to bed even though i worked out at 9:00 in the morning.

but, this is the life i chose for myself. and it is a very happy life.

charlie stops many days and says "mommy, you are beautiful!" or zeke climbs into my lap and says "i wuv oo, mommmmy!" and, mylie daily makes amazing drawings or notes for me with "i love you mommy" across the top.

as charles and i laid in bed last night, we were talking and he was saying how kids crave someone to look up to. and it should be their parents. they need us to love them unconditionally. they need us to offer love, not control or rigidity.  they need us to be willing to let life be messy in order for them to feel loved.

what is a win for me as a parent? that at the end of the day, or a season, or their childhood, that we have an amazing relationship. that they trust me with their whole heart. that each one of them can and do talk to me about any and everything going on in their life.

not that they are perfect.

so, in the meantime, i'm tired. but, it will all be worth it in the end.

our family theme song is "you've got a friend in me" from toy story. whenever anyone feels sad, we sing it. as for me, and my house, will all be friends. forever.

saved from 911

today was that kind of day.

the kind of day where i should have had to call 911. twice.

and not just for semi-big things. for things that could have--and should have--taken out my two sons.

the morning started off as usual. loud. boisterous. lots of activity. playing, fighting, & playing again.

as i juggled what felt like trying to do 47 things (put sophia down for a nap, keep the boys from fighting, cooking dinner ahead of time, sending a few semi-urgent emails, & cleaning up from breakfast), the children did their normal.

then we started to get ready to go to the pool. charlie was standing in the hall playing with a ball and all of a sudden i heard the loudest noise. i ran over and miracle #1 occurred. charlie was standing their uninjured while on the floor was a very large frame that had shattered.

here's the miracle: the frame shattered. and somehow the glass was completely in tact and charlie stood there unharmed. where he was, how it fell, it could of (and should of) sliced open his head and broke into hundreds of pieces on top of him.

i'm so thankful.

we continued to get ready to go to the pool. first time of the season. everyone is so excited. i'm slightly frazzled (thank the Lord grandma came over to help and go with us) trying to get everyone's suits, sunscreen, towels, changes of clothes, extra diapers, pack our lunch...

we FINALLY get there. get everyone undressed. get out all the pool toys and get in. the baby pool, that is.

and, we start having a blast! everyone is having a great time. i am sitting on the edge, dipping sophia in on the edge and i look up to see zeke face down in the pool about 2 feet from me. i freak and yell and dive for him while holding sophia up. and grab him up. somehow he couldn't get his little feet under him to stand up.

it took him a few seconds (or maybe a second, but it felt like forever) to breathe, but when he did. when he did. i cannot express the relief. he coughed, then almost threw up, then cried. and i cried. and grandma cried. and, i didn't let him go the rest of the time.

and, again, i'm so so grateful.

its only for the grace of God. He, in His goodness & graciousness, kept us today.

i felt like a horrible, no good mom. i cried many tears today. but, i sit in the quietness and stillness of my bedroom, grateful. so glad i serve a God who is bigger than me. and a God that covers my failures.

mommy's grace.

your amazing child

we couldn't take another rainy day inside.  after yesterday--rearranging furniture, watching way more movies than we ever have, and building & coloring, we HAD to do something different today.

thankfully, i had a livingsocial voucher to Kidzu Kid's Museum in my arsenal of "fun-things-for-us-to-do-this-summer".  i called up the grandparents who are here visiting for a couple of weeks to alert them of our change in plans and we loaded up (because that is what you do with 4 children) and headed out.

thankfully, having been a mom for almost 6 years now, i knew that a fun place like this would be PACKED on a day like this...so i was not shocked when we got there. and i embraced the chaos.

my kids have never been to kidzu before. they were captivated as soon as the walked through the door...immediate fun hits you as you walk in.

since we had the grandparents with us, we were able to divide and conquer.  as i stood in the middle of Kidzu constantly scanning, trying to make sure all my kids were safe and having fun, it hit me. i was amazed.

this was my "aha moment": they ("they" being my little ones) are all so different.

okay, so that really is a no-brainer. you watch your child every day. they are amazing. every child plays differently, communicates in their own unique way, has different likes & dislikes.

but, as i watched, it hit me all over again. my oldest is so creative and artsy. everything she does & says is so creative & funny.  she sat at their two different art stations decorating ties for her daddy & making a fairy room, complete with carpet, wallpaper, and flowers & feathers.

my second oldest spent the entire time at their Gravitron Construction Zone, building & constructing a tube path on their huge magnetic wall for a ball to come down.

my third played happily going from center to center and spent about 15-20 minutes in each place working through the activities, enjoying himself fully & moving on.

my youngest just jumped in one of our arms just glad to be there watching it all. (i mean, what else would an 8 month old do, really?) :)

your child is amazing. they are a little person with their own thoughts, feelings, joy, & sadness, their own understandings. i've got 4 of them. they are all amazing. they are all different. they are all wonderful.

they ("they" being your little ones) add so much to the world. and, they are yours.

you are the perfect parent for your child. you may not be perfect...i know i'm not, but you are perfect for them. perfect to love them. perfect to know them. perfect to help them grow.

happy hearts

For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not have spoken later about another day. There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double- edged sword...” (Hebrews 4:8-12)

There are a few words that over the past years I have tried to eliminate from my vocabulary. The two that try to most often slip out are “busy” & “overwhelmed.” To be honest, most days I have quite a few moments of feeling overwhelmed. Whether it’s 3 dirty diapers in a 10 minute span (or at the same time!), being on an important call & a fight breaks out, or the husband & two oldest trying to leave and we can’t find shoes, keys, coats, etc.


But, everyone understands busy, right? Who isn’t busy?

Having four sweet ones five years old & under, we don’t ever stop. I (and we! thank the Lord for my amazing husband...) are constantly mediating, entertaining, jumping through sprinklers, being a fellow artist or colorer, puzzle-doing, berry picking, dancing, cooking, cleaning, wiping...you know...you're there too. (And, we do actually have jobs too. smile. wink. happy face.)


Even at night. Lately, the 3 youngest tag team (wink) so we find ourselves up 6 times a night. Although we would love to sleep, we wouldn’t change our children for anything! 

All of this to say, our life is full. And, sometimes we get caught up in it all. We just run from thing to thing, event to event, moment to moment, & forget to slow down. Forget to breathe.


In the above verse, it is clear that God has a special rest for us, a “Sabbath-rest”. A rest from our work “just as God did from his.” And, the very next verse starts talking about the power of the Word of God. It has become clear to me how to enter that rest. Do you see the connection?


Take time today to seek Him. For your sake & for your family.  Our children need to know  how to rest. We all know what it’s like to be “busy” & “overwhelmed.” But, let’s not just rid these from our vocabulary. Let’s rid it from our hearts & carry God’s rest with us everywhere, all the time.