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the beauty of forced perseverance

according to dictionary.com...

perseverance: steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc.,

especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

i always think about what perseverance means at the end of my pregnancies. especially since each of my darlings have decided to come later & later (#1: 10 days early, #2: 4 days late, #3: 7 days late...). and, alas, no matter how i feel, i am FORCED to keep going.

biblically & naturally, perseverance is a good "tool" in your belt. it's such a positive character trait when you watch someone do it gracefully. and, its especially amazing when its someone that works for/with you.

but, in the moment...it is painful. it takes everything you have to force yourself to keep going.

like my daughter, for example. she is now 5 years old so she doesn't nap very often. but, the rule is that she has to stay in her room & play quietly. and, at the end of nap, she has to pick up all the things she got out. (she often "exercises" or has dance class, models 5-10 outfits, dresses all her dolls & babies in her closet, gets out all her magnetic dolls & pieces, etc...and this is just during one nap time.)

often, by the end of "rest time," she is "toooo tiiiiiiirrrrrrred" and "her back hurts really badly" so she can't pick up her things. :)

so, we have been working on "persevering." and, when she makes the effort to keep going beyond what she feels she can handle, she is proud of herself. and, i am proud of her too. it shows she is getting older.

pregnancy does force you to persevere. you really can't get that baby out any faster than she wants to come (unless you schedule a doctor to go in & get her). it really doesn't matter what you do (believe it...i've tried it all). maybe you can aid her, if she's about to make an entrance, but there is no forcing it.

as a child, learning to persevere is always in simple tasks: cleaning, eating, doing homework.

as an adult, its much more painful: losing significant amounts of weight, continuing to work through challenges in your marriage no matter how painful, looking for a job when you have been for months or years, not giving up mentally/physically in the middle of a sickness, standing with your child through difficult times at school, continuing life after someone dear has passed away.

but, perseverance has its reward.

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” Hebrews 10:35-36

As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.James 5:11

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

and, lastly:

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:4

perseverance is powerful. it either makes us who we are as strong women or the lack of it makes us weak-willed & a challenge to be around.

embrace the difficult. don't give up. giving up will hurt you & those around you.

you can do it!! i can do it!!

how sweet it is

"though the sorrow may last for the night, joy comes in the morning!"

its been a challenging sort of week...but, today, there was an unexpected turn.

i'm one of those girls who has a lot of expectations. when i first got married, a good friend who has been married close to 30 years told me, "i have one piece of advice for you: lower your expectations & raise your appreciation."

"humph." i thought. "that's because he's a man. he thinks that women shouldn't have as high of expectations to make it easier for the male species. that is crazy. i'm allowed to have high expectations...especially of my husband."

but, honestly, that is one of the best things ever told to me.

i always have BIG expectations for my birthday. high hopes, want everything to be a surprise, big presents...it's my mom's fault, really. :) every day was a celebration with her so every birthday was over the top.

but, maybe its because i'm over 30 now, maybe its because i have kids, maybe its because i'm eagerly anticipating tiny girl...but, whatever it was, i had no real expectations for today.

and, it was AMAZING! i mean from start to finish.

i woke up to my husband making me an omelet with fruit & muffins on the side. my kids had presents wrapped in their own homemade wrapping paper. i had flowers delivered to my door step from a dear friend.

then, i got to go to a women's bible study (which i haven't been able to do in a long time), doctor's appt to hear baby girl's heart beat, & lunch with my zeke.

then, i got my eyebrows waxed & a pedicure (gifts from friends!).

then, i had dinner with friends & a totally fun evening at a corn maze with awesome bouncy castles.

on top of all that, i was showered with so much love in the form of presents, calls, texts, songs, & fb messages ALL day long.

i was blown away at every turn.

so after days of poopy pants, sleepless nights, clingy kiddos, & high demands on every side with the biggest belly & hurting hips...i get the most marvelous day imaginable.

thank you, Lord. You bless me good. :)

and, now, if the tiny wants to come out...i'd be thrilled. heehee.

mama said, mama said...

this song often plays through my head, sing along with me, if you want: "mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this, mama said, mama said..."

i often find myself singing it, trying to reassure my soul that everyone has a day like this now & then. :)

lately, "days like this" have been slightly more abundant than i would like to partake in. heh. heh.

like on saturday. soccer was cancelled which made my little ones in a slightly grumpy mood since their first question every morning, while they still have their pjs on & are still rubbing their sweet little eyes, is: "mom, where are we going today?? what are we going to do?"

so, instead of soccer we made muffins and had a "leisurely" morning, but by 10:30am, they were chomping at the bit. ck & i had to think of something & quick. it was rainy & chilly outside. so nothing outside. it was saturday so all the usual inside places would be packed. hmm...

charles did need some tools from sears. brilliant idea from me: let's go as a family & get his tools. (what he really needed was an axe.)

on our way there, we realized that it had taken us so long to get ready that it was almost noon & they were saying that they were starving. even zeke was chiming in "nack! nack! peeeese." (snack, please.)

okay, change of plans. let's do chick-fil-a at the mall. we pull in and all of a sudden, charles decides he would rather have subs from harris teeter. they do have good subs, but out of all the places we could choose for lunch??... and, where would we sit to eat? and, what will the kids eat?

his response: "tif, its the grocery store. we can find something for them to eat & we'll figure out a place to eat later."

"okaaay."

after literally 45 minutes of trying to figure out something that the kids wanted to eat, buying a few groceries, waiting for our subs, and getting a red box movie for that night, we were back in the car. and, the kids were grumpy (to put it lightly).

so, we have an "inside the car picnic." charles: "this is an adventure. isn't this fun?!!" the kids wouldn't eat anything we bought...none of the subs, none of the chicken nuggets & all they wanted was a drink. which of course we forgot to buy.

i started laughing hysterically & couldn't stop. crying (and almost peeing...yikes...i'll blame it on the tiny girl inside) and laughing for 10 minutes straight. mylie was in the back: "mom, are you ok? what's wrong???"

charles & i finish our subs & we head to the mall off to buy his axe.

i had ck drop the 2 big kids & me off at barnes & noble & we bought treats & read books and played at the train table & all was well in the world again. (what a good mom i am...the kids had chocolate chunk cookies & salt/pepper chips for lunch that day....)

and, when we got back in the car, after charles got his goods from sears. i said "did you get what you needed?"

"well," he said, "i decided not to buy an axe."

the only reason we left the house in the first place & he didn't get the goods... :)

or, like today.

charlie hurt his back pretty badly on a trampoline yesterday. we'll blame all this on that, but he didn't sleep at all last night. he fell asleep after 10pm (they go to bed at 8pm), he woke up at midnight, 2pm, 4pm, 5pm, & was up for the day at 7pm. and, some of those were multiple times during that one hour. my poor boy, was moaning. needless to say, charles & i didn't sleep at all. and, neither did he.

on mondays, he doesn't have preschool. so again...grumpy. i thought of some creative, fun things for us but, he was so tired, he yelled and cried all morning. i couldn't do anything right. on our walk, i got him the wrong rock. so he threw it down. then he wanted it (but, since we were on a walk, it was long gone). so i gave him another. same thing happened. three more times.

by the time we got back in our driveway, 45 min later, he was still crying about his first rock.

in addition to that, he kept forgetting to tell me he had to use the potty. so we had several accidents. which is not that big of a deal EXCEPT when your stomach is so big that you can already barely bend over & one accident is a bad poop that you have completely shower him.

zeke was super clingy. and just wanted to be held. again, no big deal EXCEPT when you are 39 weeks pregnant and 20 lbs feels like 100 lbs.

and, they both missed mylie who usually keeps them so busy telling them all the games they will play, books they will read, and things they will build.

by the time charles got home, i needed a little break from all the yelling, crying, craziness of the day.

i say all of this, not to complain, but to remind us all: we WILL have days like this.

mommy grace, right. God is driving home the point again.

this is my life-theme verse. and, oh, is it applicable for me these days (romans 5:3-5): Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

so, you see, life is what it is, but i'm thankful for the opportunities to grow. Lord, make me a better mom & help me see through your eyes!

nighttime warrior

so, i learned my lesson early on in mommyhood: not everything good about your child is from your amazing parenting, tiffany.

mylie, our first, is the most amazing sleeper. at 8 weeks, she started sleeping through the night and never looked back. she quickly became a "college sleeper" (12-13 hours a day with a couple hour nap). even at 5 years old, she often still takes a nap. and, she doesn't like anyone to disturb her precious sleep.

so...i was patting myself on the back pretty early. at least i got something right! i know how to help my baby have the PERFECT sleep schedule.

haha. God, in his mercy, allowed me to be knocked off my high horse with my sweet second. it felt like he never slept. he would be awake for hours at night crying. colic, i told myself. that is what is keeping him awake. give him a few more months & he'll be sleeping like his sister.

so a few months went by. and a few more months. and a few more. and, a year. and, another year.

charles & i have rocked that sweet boy for hours. we have let him cry it out. we have slept with him for hours. we have napped with him. sang to him all during nap. prayed for him. sought advice. given snacks.

he shows up at our bedside at night. he cries out. he wants us to sleep with him. and, the list goes on.

so you see, i got knocked off my horse. hard. now, he is 3 1/2 yr old. he is as precious as can be, & we just moved his little brother in his room to prepare for our teeny-tiny-in-the-belly.

in the last week, he has only woken up one time. that is the first that has ever happened.

i am internally doing the hallelujah dance! he did keep telling us that he was lonely & just wanted a friend in his room. i guess he did.

the funniest thing though is what he does now before he goes to sleep. and, these things just make me laugh. (not in the moment, mind you.)

in our family, we have a rule: you can't get out of your bed (unless you need to potty or you have an emergency).

last week charlie came out of his room and was really frustrated: "MOOM!! i keep trying to wrap my blanket around me like a cape, use my golf club as a sword, and get my easter bucket on my head for my helmet! AND ITS NOT WORKING!!!" he was genuinely frustrated. so i was calm: "honey, why are you trying to do that? especially since you are supposed to be in your bed sleeping."

"BECAUSE! i need to do work like you and daddy do when we are asleep!" i assured him that we didn't do work like that & ushered him back to bed & kissed him.

two nights ago i heard crazy noises coming from the boys room. zeke was asleep, i was pretty sure. so i sent charles back to check. charlie had 2 lights on & had his toys out playing away. what is he thinking?? no way to know...

and, again tonight: i heard him building with his favorite trio blocks. charles went in again & both lights were on. zeke was sleeping away.

we have gone in & he has been doing somersaults across his bed. there is banging on the walls & he tells us he is practicing writing his ABC's with his feet. also, two days ago we went in and he was doing a face forward trust fall onto his bed from his rails (without bending his body or protecting his face at all) over & over again.

all of these things are so crazy & so endearing. he is an amazingly strong little boy that almost cannot be stopped.

God has good things in store for him. for now, we help form him.

but now & always: warrior on, little boy, warrior on!

$600, a flatbed, & 37 weeks

question: what do these things have in common??

the answer should be NOTHING! but, yesterday, those 3 things summed up one of the more grueling 2 hours i've had in a long time.

here's what happened:

i went on what i thought would be a nice little "outing" just by my little old self (which doesn't really happen much these days). i knew i was going to sam's which some may not think would be fun, but i am one of those girls that really likes going shopping (it doesn't matter where) and going by myself...even better.

so, i grab my cart & have my list on my iPhone and felt prepared. as i started out, i realized "hmm...don't have any of the kids, i might as well make this our 'big' shopping trip of the month so i don't have to drag the kiddos out sometime and risk my sanity."

i took a couple of minutes & typed more on my list & away i went. as i went aisle by aisle, slowly i started to pack things in & pretty soon i realized this was a bit out of control. 5 boxes of diapers, wipes, rice, yogurt, a container of paper towels that came up to my waist, flower bulbs, milk, frozen food...and the list literally goes on & on (& on & on).

i was about 3/4ths of my way done & my very pregnant, very 37 week-self was about to sit down on the floor (or lay down!!) and quit. i willed myself to keep going...

as i got up to the register, the very sweet sam's employee was like "wow" as her eyes widened a bit and asked me how big my family was. :) then, she helped me load everything from my cart onto the belt, went & got a flatbed & set to work ringing everything up. i didn't bother looking behind me knowing that if anyone was there, they may be fuming.

then, i stood there watching as the grocery prices started adding up. i knew it would be a lot...somewhere around $450 was my guess. then we passed that & kept going. we finally stopped at $607! for the second time, i almost laid down on the floor.

is this what a family of 6 looks like?? oh. my. goodness.

i paid. and, she made me stand there with my flatbed while she called someone. she said, "girl, you are not pushing that anywhere. someone will push this out & load it for you. don't move." (her kindness almost made me cry.)

he loaded up our van & i text the hub-ster the cost of the groceries so he could be mentally prepared.

when i got home, he came right out, hugged me, had lunch on the table & wheeled the wheel-barrow around and started unloading. (just for the record: it was 2 wheelbarrow loads & about 4 hand carried trips. and, just for the record: we have NEVER used a wheelbarrow to unload our groceries.)

needless to say, i'm glad that is over. i hurt for the rest of the day--belly, back, head, feet. :)

and, now i know. 6 of us...it's going to be fun. many adventures & lots of food!

happy eating!

"mooommmy grace!"

blogging is such an interesting thing...journaling so all can see. what makes us do this?

it feels cathartic to be able to express ourselves without real accountability, but still know that someone (even if its anyone) may be hearing us.

i decided to start re-blogging for another reason. my life has become a little wild. and, i know that i get encouragement hearing about other people's crazy lives because i don't feel quite as crazy...well, usually. :)

to introduce us...

i currently have 3 adorable children (5 & under) and have 3 weeks until our fourth is born. also, this summer, we bought a small (very small & local) fitness business. while my husband is very helpful with it, a lot of it is on me since it focuses on perinatal exercise. (there is not much he can do with that...) so, i feel like i'm trying to learn to juggle...i hope it all stays UP! :)

my oldest (mylie, 5 yr old) is the most beautiful red-haired, fair-skinned princess i have ever seen. (she was quite a surprise since neither my husband nor i have red hair). she is artistic, fun, entertaining, & at times slightly eccentric...like the time she insisted on wearing her knee-high rainbow socks, tennis shoes, soccer shorts, & pig-tails to chick-fil-a). she also gives us a life full of surprises. one day i walked in after nap & she proudly showed me how she wall-papered her room. she used body glitter & water (from her night cup) to make "paste" (as she explained to us) & soaked her coloring pages one by one as she glued them to the wall. yes...

our current middle (charlie, 3.5 yr old) is a warrior embodied in the cutest dimpled tow-headed ball of fire that i have ever met. as soon as we found out our fourth was going to be a baby girl, the first thing he said about it was "dad, if a bad guy ever comes in & takes out his sword to try to hurt our baby girl, i'll take out my sword & kill him." (side note: we don't talk about, watch, or allow "kill" talk in our house...) he will fight for anything that he feels is right. he protects his older sister at all cost.

our current "baby" (zeke) is a bundle of joy explosions. he is 18 months & is content & happy & cuddly & lovable. he smiles & laughs at everything no matter what is going on around him.

and, we can't wait to meet the tiny baby doll.

they are all amazing people & they all keep me going (& going & going). i look forward to sharing our adventures & the things mom learns along the way.

because, really, that is what life is all about. it's about me growing & learning. they have taught me so much. and, one of the biggest things...grace. grace for them, grace for those outside our kiefer-world, & grace for myself.

mylie's middle name is "grace." "mylie" is "forgiving". forgiving grace. that is what this journey has started to help me understand. i call mylie "mylie grace" quite a lot. and, she always responds, "yes, mommy grace?" so there you have it. she is calling that into existence.

my confession: i will be mommy grace. i will have mommy grace. i will walk in grace.

i'm learning. and, this is our adventure. hope you get some encouragement from it.

and, in the words of tigger, ttfn! (tata for now)